Can We Please Go Back To 2014?!

So, as you can tell from the above (poor quality, seriously lacking iPhone) photo, this night is not going well for me.

Can you see that there is no pink dot next to the PM? 

That's because it is (now) 3:44 a.m. 

<<in the morning>>

Since I climbed into bed at 11:23 p.m., I have...

...spent an embarrassing amount of time on Facebook

...Instagram

...Pinterest (x3)

...I have checked my email

...texted a friend

...talked to a friend (on the phone)

...cleaned my bathroom

...filled (and emptied) my water bottle

...twice...

...tossed and turned and tossed some more

...gotten a snack (I haven't eaten in 6 *waking* hrs)

...checked my bank account

...spent more time on Instagram (people don't post much in the middle of the night)

...had one more look at Pinterest (I really want to learn how to sew)

...seriously evaluated my 5 year plan

(Just kidding. I don't actually have a 5 year plan).

...also seriously contemplated vacuuming since I have put it off all week, but I will blog instead.

Aren't you lucky?

(I am totally kidding. My late night early morning rants have no chance of being witty, helpful or probably even worth anyone's time).

I nearly just had a melt-down when it took me a good 30 seconds to find the ABC button. Thank you Blogger for not removing it. I really like it sometimes.

So, I think I have a point to this post. Please bear with me.

The first 23 days of 2015 have been pretty rough for me. And, actually, a lot of people I know as well. I am not looking for sympathy or for the opportunity to go into detail in such a public forum about my personal demons/issues/catastrophes but I do want to address the fact that I am extremely frustrated that I cannot pull myself together enough to get back on the health and fitness wagon.

Seriously.

This is not brain science.

Or rocket surgery.

I still have good, strong moments. I just seem to be unable to string enough of them together to have good, strong days and weeks.

I actually haven't even gained that much weight back. I'm still pretty far from having to be cut out of my house.

I hope.

I also am doing pretty okay with exercise. There's definitely room for improvement, but I manage to work out on my own about 3 times a week and, of course, I let Mike beat on me another 2 times each week. 

However, I still feel defeated. 

I have definitely lost the excitement and motivation I had last year.

I know that it's completely mind over matter and I just have to decide to make this a priority again but I can't seem to find that switch.

So, for now, I just have to go through the motions and be successful when I can make myself and keep trying to pull my butt out of bed every single morning (not tomorrow...uh today) at 5:15 a.m. to work out.

Why is that my Everest?!

I just need to decide that I want to be healthy more than I want anything else.

So, I am going to re-brush my teeth and (hopefully) fall right to sleep and start again with being completely dedicated in about 6 hours.

Thank goodness it's the weekend.

(btw, thanks for listening)

Blogging is way cheaper than therapy.

New Year's Resolutions

Where has December gone?

Where has 2014 gone?!

Seriously.

Time is such a crazy thing.

I love everything that goes into celebrating a new year. I love the chance to look back over the past 12 months, excited about the good things and recognizing things I hope to improve during the next year.

I have had a pretty strong case of bronchitis for the past week. Not a very welcome Christmas gift, if you ask me. I don't get sick very often - thankfully - but when I do, it hits me hard. This current plague has not been an exception. I've been pretty miserable but am hopefully on the uphill climb.

With the combination of being sick and not sleeping well for the past week, I am exhausted. I had to work today and was reflecting on this past year as I drove home. Before I reached the freeway, I was in tears. I was so upset because I couldn't think of anything significant that I've accomplished this year.

Like I said, I was super tired and, apparently, this translates into being overly hard on myself.


My life has changed drastically - for the better - in 2014 and that is very exciting. I have accomplished a lot in the past few months regarding health and fitness and I am so thankful.

As I think about resolutions for 2015, I - of course - want to reach my ultimate weight loss goal and continue to improve in health and fitness.

***

So, I started this post on 12/31/14 and today is 1/17/15. Sorry that I've gotten pretty side-tracked and have seriously slacked with this blog. December and, so far, January have been super tough months for me and that has translated into slacking in the diet and fitness departments.


It's really hard to post about health and fitness when I haven't been putting much priority on either. That is changing right this second.


On 1/1/15, my aunt passed away due to complications surrounding a recent surgery. It was absolutely heart-breaking and eye-opening because the complications had to do with her weight. I would like to say that experiencing this loss kicked me back into gear, but - unfortunately - when I'm sad, I eat.


Really bad food.


It is so frustrating that I've let myself slip so far and now crave carbs every single second when, just a few weeks ago, I was celebrating the fact that salt and vinegar potato chips were a thing of the past.

So, I have a choice. I can continue my downward spiral and be fat and (un)happy like I was prior to 3.26.14 or I can re-commit, blog more often (I need this accountability!), put more thought and effort into eating and get back to exercising every single day.


I choose option B.


Let's do this.


<< Again >>



I saw the funniest thing on Instagram the other day.

That's so true.

(Well, when I workout on my own. NOT when I workout with Mike. He's back and super intense, as usual. We warmed up with 300 jump squats on Thursday).

Saddle up and ride.

(In the future, someone please remind me to take pictures before the workout. This one's pretty scary!)

We've missed you Señor Andam. Please don't ever leave us again.