Ok

I have recently entered the crazy world of online dating.

And, let me tell you, it has already been quite a ride.

I have met some really great guys. However, I have also met some world-class creeps. It is such an alternate universe. It's basically dating with very little to no accountability. When you meet someone online and exclusively message and/or text them, some guys think they can get away with asking whatever the heck they want. It is appalling to me the nitty gritty details of my life that guys think they have the right to know from the very first conversation - just because they sent me a 'flirt' on a dating website.

It's not every guy - not even close to the majority, but it has happened more than just a couple of times.

Even getting to the 'talking on the phone' stage has proven to be sketchy. It completely shocks me the cajones some of these dudes have. Like they don't have to treat me with respect because they don't know me? Because I'm not really a person with real feelings and morals? I'm just a profile on a bright screen?

Okay, so the real moral of this post is that one of the guys actually fat-shamed me...without ever having met me, without ever even having laid eyes on me. Of course I put photos of myself online where I think I look good. In fact, these are the 2 pix I have on my profile:

I adjusted the lighting a little and added a soft focus to the picture on the left. I did absolutely no other editing. I didn't edit the picture on the right at all, well, aside from the watermark. 

Oh, and, I'm wearing hair extensions in the photo on the right. Big deal. 

This is what I really look like. Did I choose pictures from a flattering angle? Yes. Did I make sure no cellulite was showing? Of course I did.

Am I being dishonest because I'm not spelling out all of my physical imperfections?

Absolutely not.

And guess what else? I am wearing make-up in both pictures. Oh, and my hair is washed and fixed too. I even shaved my legs and armpits. (TMI?!)

Shame on me!

But you know what? I get ready and take pride in my appearance every single day. These pictures, in reality, are ME.

This guy - having never even laid eyes on me in real life sent me the following text: "The hardest thing you're going to have to accept is that 99% of men are not attracted to over-weight people, which is why you've never been married and why you have missed out on so many things you've wanted in life." 

Um, excuse me?

Do you even know me? Are you my therapist? Is my size or dating history/marital status any of your freaking business?!

Also, (not that this gives anyone any right to body shame another person) are you a supermodel who has all of his shiz together?

Do you look anything like this?!

(I got this picture here)

He sent me that text after he saw this picture:

Yes, this is an unfortunate leaning forward, weird angle shot situation where it looks like my left boob is coming out of my stomach. Nothing I can do to fix that. However, it is just the angle of the picture and not how things are in real life. 

At least, not yet ;)

I just don't really understand what part of this picture gave him the idea that I am ridiculously obese and was lying to him for the 2 days that we texted and talked on the phone. He actually said that...that I was being dishonest about what I look like.

I have big boobs. I always have. I have worn a bra since the 4th grade. I will have big boobs even when I hit my goal weight. It's just how God made me. A lot of guys happen to find that attractive.

Clearly dude, you don't.

And that's ok.

Move on to the next profile, pal. There are plenty of fish in the online dating sea. 

(That isn't a plug for any specific website. That's not even the one I'm on).

He said that I'm a hypocrite because I would never date a guy who is over-weight. What? He clearly does not know me. I am far more concerned that the guys I date are decent human beings than if they have a 6-pack or not. I have dated and fallen in love with guys who are over-weight. I have also dated and loved guys who are slim, tall, short, bald...

Lol. That makes it sound like I've fallen in love a lot. I haven't, but my point is that I would much rather date an ok-looking guy who becomes hotter and hotter to me the more I get to know him than date a supermodel who gets less attractive the more his personality comes out.

This guy said other hurtful things that I won't ever revisit but I am still so shocked that he took it upon himself to let me know exactly why my life has sucked for all these years.

After only having talked to me for TWO days and never having even laid eyes on me. AND, I had only told him very little about my past. 

"Gee dude, thanks for helping me figure it out!"

Truth be told, my life doesn't suck and it never has. I have bad days just like every other person who has ever lived but I am happy because I try to be a good person. Do I want to be skinnier? Absolutely. And I'm working on it. Every single day.  I am far from being a supermodel but that is not my ultimate goal. I have a good heart and I am kind to others.

 And I think that, in and of itself,  makes me attractive.

Moab '15

I know, I know...2 days in a row is kind of a big deal.

This might be the start of something great...

Or just the start of something.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to camp - for 5 days and 4 nights in beautiful southern Utah - Moab to be exact. I have spent some time there before, but it's been a while. I absolutely love Moab. Not the part that feels like I'm visiting the sun, but the fact that there are so many beautiful things to see and so much adventure to be had.

I didn't take my big camera, so I'll share some of the masterpieces I captured with my phone.

I'm kidding. They're actually not that great, so I'll probably steal some pix from other sites taken by super professional photographers. There definitely is no shortage of amazing pictures of Moab floating around the interweb.

I'm not much of a camper. 5 days without running water is pretty much the scariest thing I can think of and I had some major anxiety about it. Also, I was worried about the food situation since it's hard to not want to eat all manner of bad food when camping.

I mean s'mores. C'mon.

But, with a little planning and a lot of preparation, I survived and didn't even have any major panic attacks.

At least not about food or the lack of running water/flushable toilets. I, for sure, had the biggest panic attack in recorded history when I was thrown out the raft in the largest set of rapids I have ever seen in my entire life on the Colorado river.

But that's a story for another day/post.

Also, I am happy to report that I didn't gain any weight. I actually lost 3 lbs that week.

Hooray! 

This was a direct result of the fact that it was 150 degrees every single day we were there and I basically sweat off 3 lbs of water. But, actually, not really. I did pretty well in the food department. When I couldn't control what I ate or just wanted to splurge, I just made sure I didn't eat very much. Oh, and also, we hiked...a lot. 

And, by a lot, I mean more than I ever have in my whole life combined. Ok, not really, but we did cover a lot of ground.

Have you ever been to the Fiery Furnace? It's no nature walk, that's for sure:

(lol...don't worry for a second that I'm a card-carrying member of the 5-finger forehead club. Seriously, maybe I should consider bangs! Also, just for the record, I was so pasty white because this was the 1st day. I did get some good sun and returned home at the end of the week with a nice sunburn - oops - that turned to a nice golden tan).

We literally walked over, around and under HUGE boulders. We squeezed through slot canyons and jumped over super deep ravines. Like fall and you die drop-offs.

It was awesome!

But, the best part - my favorite part by far was the fact that I could do it. I could keep up with most everyone (we had some extreme athletes in the group) and it wasn't even that hard. Ok, it was hard, but so fun. I have always been the world's worst hiker, but not any more. It was beyond hot and super tiring...and I loved every second of it!

There is absolutely no way I could have done the fiery furnace a couple of years ago. It's a pretty big deal and I am beyond excited that I got to experience it.

I have definitely missed out on things because of my weight. Some that I couldn't physically do, but most that I didn't want to even try because of my insecurities and my fear of failure and, let's be honest, the judgement of others.

My favorite part of this trip to Moab was our night hike to Delicate Arch. It is definitely in my top five experiences ever. Since it was dark and I only had my phone, I got ZERO good pictures. Here is a slightly creepy picture just to prove I was there:

Okay, I guess technically it doesn't prove anything because I'm not in it, but I was there. I promise.

The hike itself was great. It's a pretty strenuous (and really scary in places!) hike but since it was at night, it wasn't hot so that helped a whole lot. We actually got lost and missed a turn and ended up going 1/2 again as far as we needed to, but that was okay by us. All part of the adventure.

Here's a professional picture of the arch at night. I got it here.

It was incredible. I can't wait to go back!

I definitely struggle every single day keeping a good balance with diet, exercise and life but it is so worth any amount of effort I put into it. I am far from perfect but I am definitely still headed in the right direction.

So Funny

It's a little ridiculous how addicted I am to my phone.

I mean, for crying out loud, I survived 21 years without a cell phone (yes, I'm old) but I can barely survive one whole day without it.

Sadly, yesterday, I got that opportunity. I traveled all the way to work (24 miles, 30+ minutes) before I realized that my beloved phone was laying on my kitchen counter.

Far beyond my reach. And, it would have been really irresponsible for me to drive all the way home at lunch to get it.

But, don't think for a second that I didn't seriously consider it cuz I most definitely did.

So, miraculously, I made it a full 11.5 hours sans Señor Cellphone. A modern-day miracle, for sure.

(I got home after 11 hours but crazy Erica bet me THREE packs of Orbit sweet mint gum that I couldn't resist checking my phone for 30 minutes after getting to my house).

I, like, totally won.

She had better pay up.

<<Please notice that I didn't say she bet me a large, delicious Mountain Dew or an irresistible maple bar from 7-11>>

I am trying so hard to be good...and, some days, I am pretty successful.

Anyhoo, the point of this post - and surviving the forever L-O-N-G day unplugged is that I missed Instagram the most.

Of all the stupid things.

I follow a lot of inspirational 'health' people --- from those who dedicate the majority of their time to diet and fitness, to those who fit it in whenever they can but who are pretty healthy despite time constraints. I also love the foodies who create/share delicious <<healthy>> recipes.

Some of my favorites are:

@mindovermunch

@howtoburncalories

@fithealthyworkouts

@igdailyfitspo

@skinnytaste

@healthyfoodadvice

@fitness_exercises

@womensbest

@fitgirlsfoodz

@fitgirlvideos

@fitgirlsguide

@fithealthyrecipes

@thesquatchallenge

@home_squats

@gymexercises

@ig_weightloss

@shonda1020

@ourbestbites_fitclub

I am positive that there are a million more, so please send me your favorites!

I am always looking to waste more time on Instagram!

In closing, I would like to share 2 hilarious posts I found from another of my favorite Instagrammers, Dr Nora.

(she's absolutely hilarious, but not always clean and/or appropriate) I just scroll past a lot of her stuff...

You've been warned.

I've missed this. I won't promise that I'm back in full force, but I have missed blogging so I will try my darnedest to make this a habit again.