Can You Stay For Dinner?

I love this blog. Andie Mitchell is a girl after my own heart. She is funny and witty and very inspiring.

I love how she writes.

She wrote an incredible post last month called Taking Up Space and Acting Small.

Click here to read it.

I can relate to a lot of things she says in this post. A lot of her experiences are familiar to me. I have never been one to say, "I'm sorry" a lot, but have apologized for who I am and what I lack in other ways - mostly non-verbal. Not to say that I have always struggled with low self-esteem (I have my moments) but I have always been aware that I haven't been what society defines as beautiful and, as a result, I have made myself invisible in a lot of situations.

I have always been bigger than girls my age - and even most of the boys. I realized that my size was a problem at a very young age. Little girls I played with would say really mean things to me - some intentional, some not. Like Andie, I have always been tall and nothing about me is small or petite and so I have "apologized" for this by being shy and blending into the background. Not so much in my adult life, but a lot from elementary school to well into college. 

I remember the faculty at my junior high lining us all up in the hallway - every single student - and weighing us in front of everyone.

I weighed 140.


In 7th grade.

I was so embarrassed because most of my friends were barely over 100 lbs - if even that. I was also 5'7" so I wasn't obese by any means, but I felt huge because puberty hit me fast and hard and I developed before just about everyone else.

There was only one guy taller than me in 7th grade - Trent. He was nice and would dance with me at school dances, but I was embarrassed. I truly wish I had the confidence and experience I have now to stand tall and be proud, but I was embarrassed because I was different.

The other day, I read an article on Facebook written by a completely insensitive a**hole who had to sit next to an obese man on a plane. I won't even give this guy the honor of finding the article and putting the link because, frankly, he is a big bully who doesn't deserve to be recognized.

The jerk - in an extremely derogatory way - talked about how this fellow passenger was huge and disgusting and smelled awful and had no self respect and how he ruined his (the author's) trip and should have had to buy 2 tickets because he was too large to fit into one seat. I get that traveling is uncomfortable - for everyone - but, even more so when you're over-weight. 

I also completely understand that this large man is so much more aware of his size and the space he takes up than any other person on the planet. He does not need some jerk to point it out - in person or in some passive/aggressive Facebook article.

Okay, I've already given this guy way too much of my time and energy, but it is so sad to me that there are people - a lot of people - who seem to think it's okay to treat others awful because of their size and/or appearance. Or, just ignore them because they aren't worth their time.

I have experienced this first-hand on many occasions. Specifically, 2 guys who I have known for a long time have suddenly taken a keen interest in me, now that I am - in their eyes - better looking and, so, now I'm dateable. This really pisses me off. I am the exact same person I was 60 pounds ago. Why was I not good enough then?!

(I am not bitter...really!)

<<however, there is no way I am ever going out with either one of them>>

Mean/ignorant people are the reason it is common for those who are over-weight or different in other ways to 'act small and apologize for taking up space,' as Andie writes.

I love how she ends her post:

"Taking up space and acting small is such a real part of life for all of us who are fat, at one point or another. It’s those who are able to realize that owning the real estate of our bodies is more than just fine, but the investment of a lifetime, that are the ones to admire.

I’m working on it. And not just because I am or am not small, but because I don’t need the smallness anymore. I don’t want it. It’s fine to take that space, be big in ways literal and not, and to like it. I won’t die when not everyone likes me. They can’t. They won’t.

I’m taking space now. And I’m sorry but that feels really good."

No more acting small, my friends. Whether we are big, little, orange or purple. No more being sorry for who we are. Each one of us has so much to offer this world and we aren't doing anyone any favors by hiding or apologizing for just being alive.

(p.s. I can't wait to read Andie's book!)


(go here to hear/see her TED talk)