Perspective

My baby turned 1 this past week.  

ONE!!  

He is my last baby and this was a bittersweet day for me because it was my last first birthday.  First birthdays are fun!  Having babies in the house is a lot of fun except during the night (at least in our experience).   I found myself feeling pretty sad on his birthday for all sorts of reasons.  

I was sad at the fact this past year went by so fast. 

I was sad that he never really was immobile for very long. 

I was sad he is pretty independent and I can literally see his need for me diminishing daily... 

...and I was sad with myself.   

I was sitting in the tub the morning of his big day (I had just gotten home from a long run and I like to soak in the tub) and I was looking at my body.  I know that this past 6 months I have made some decent changes and I have lost a good amount of weight, but as I was looking at myself I couldn’t help but hate what I was looking at.   I am the same person after all, but my mindset was pretty lousy.   I look at my stomach and I don’t see anything but an old crinkled up road map.  I was actually a little repulsed at what I saw.   It made me feel old, lazy, and upset at the fact that this is what I had become.  

I may or may not have even found myself shedding a few tears as I sat there.   

The scale shows me that I weigh less than before I ever had children, but in my perspective at the moment my body was disgusting.   As I sat there in my own pity, that cute little 1-year-old walked into the bathroom and turned on the cold water with delight.   Right then and there I had the overwhelming feeling that I was so lucky to have a body that provided me with the opportunity to be a mother.  To be the vehicle in which these beautiful children came into this world.  I may never wear a 2 piece swim suit and I surely won’t be letting anyone see me naked with the lights on, but those things do not matter when I look at my children.  

Thank goodness for Heavenly Father’s little reminders that there are a lot more important things in life than physical appearance.   The relationships that we have with those around us are what truly give us a true perspective of happiness.