What NOT To Say

We’ve all been there. You see someone after a period of time and they look different. Whether it’s a small change like they colored their hair or got new clothes, or a bigger change like gender re-assignment surgery or they lost a bunch of weight.

It’s rude not to say something, right?

Yeah, probably. But, please please be super careful about what you say and how you say it. If you have a tendency to say the wrong thing, saying nothing is definitely the way to go - just flash your dazzling smile and wink at them (but try not to be creepy). If you do decide to say something, I think a good rule is not to compare how they look now to how they looked before. For example, Erica heard this from a co-worker the other day:

“You look so, so much better!”

And, coincidentally, this same co-worker – just today – said to me, “Wow! Where did your stomach go?”

Really?

Good thing I don't get offended easily or this kid may have found himself on the receiving end of a pretty serious right hook. But, lucky for him, it takes a little more than insensitivity/stupidity to hurt my feelings. Still, it's hard not to wonder the following: “Did I used to be disgusting?”  “Wow, I must have been HUGE!”  “Did he think I was pregnant?” I know that he was just attempting a compliment and to let me know that he noticed a change in me, but there are better ways.

Oh, and, just a week ago, I was hanging out with a friend (you know who you are) and I showed him the following picture of me, Erica and Brianne from last fall. (Brace yourselves, I look pretty bad!) 

These were his exact words:

“Wow. Your face was so fat! Look at the difference!” Then he started to point out the specific problem areas, but I quickly cut him off.

Hello? I have eyes. And – oh yeah, I freaking lived it! Seriously! I promise you that I am so much more aware of how I look(ed) than any other individual on this whole planet. I happen to see myself naked every single day.

I don’t need anyone to spell it out, thank you very much.

So, let’s practice more socially acceptable ways to let people know you notice that things have changed.

How about:

“You look great!”

“Wow! Your hard work is paying off!”

 “You’re smoking hot!”

 “Let’s go get a cupcake to celebrate!”

 Oooookay, not really on the last two one, but I think it’s important to compliment someone on their current situation and not compare them to how they looked before.

And, just to be safe, bounce your observation off a trustworthy friend before you blurt it out. 

So, to review: if you feel you are socially mature enough to say something about the way someone looks, please be sure to put some thought into it and err on the side of being overly nice and tactful - oh, and don't tell them they look better (or worse) than before. 

Sharing is caring, unless it makes people cry.

This has been a public service announcement.